The Curse of Grammar Woman

Most of us can recognize our elements of heredity, and I am so indebted to my father for an appreciation of history and patriotism and to my mother for brown eyes, a sense of humor, and a sense of grammar. From Day One, my mother always believed in correct speaking, and it absolutely appalled her when the English language, whether written or spoken, was misused and abused. None of the four siblings were ever allowed to use less-than-correct grammar in HER house. Well, it stuck, and encouraged by several excellent English teachers along the way (thanks, Mrs. Owens and Mrs. Bradford), I ended up as an English major during my first two years of college, albeit in the College of Education. During my first year at the University of New Mexico, my father had insisted that I try elementary education; however, it was not for me. I had the unfortunate habit of calling some classes "Show and Tell Time," which did not go over well with the professors. I did, however, manage to skip over the usual freshman English classes and begin to enjoy some sterling English professors. Dr. Hamlin Hill, an expert on Mark Twain and early Southwestern literature, was one of my favorites. What a pleasure it was to see and hear him on Ken Burns's program on Clemens/Twain! And how I loved the classes presented on American literature by Drs. George Arms and Ernest Baughman! By the end of sophomore year, though, I had realized that history was my forte and changed that to my major field, accompanied by a strong minor in English. Little did I know that for many years I would be teaching Engllish, as well as history. For some reason, the prospective coaches also chose the social studies classes, and we all know that coaches need to be a first priority, so there I was, teaching and immersed in English. Don't get me wrong... I loved teaching SOME English, just not all of the time. Regardless of the class I was teaching, however, whether English or history, anything a student wrote was corrected, whether a test, a homework assignment, or an official paper. It was, to me, unthinkable, that a student should ever have a paper returned without the grammar and writing being corrected, regardless of the subject. Needless to say, that provided me with many late evenings. One student in my early middle school teaching years was quite upset about the practice, however, and informed me that the least I could do would be to change the colors of my pen. She seemed to think that the red made it look as though I had bled all over her paper. So over the years I adopted the habit of using school colors, which proved to be less offensive. One of the most fun times I had was the creation of the character of "Grammar Woman," complete with a red cape, and who could "conjugate verbs in a single breath, name all of the adverbs in one gasp, and diagram sentences in a single minute." The kids actually began to get good at it, too, when playing a type of "Jeopardy" grammar game. It also made teaching it tolerable for me! However, in today's world, I find I am having problems. Rap? Ebonics? And, these awful phonetic and symbolic spellings just absolutely appall me, just as they would have my mother! For example, what about "X-mas 4 U?" That causes me immediate gastric disturbances! I can only hope that somehow all of these horrible trends will pass, and that once again grammar will rule supreme. Anyone need a Grammar Woman cape?