Choices

All through our lives we all make choices, some for the better, some for the worse. I know I have made many of both of those, some choices good and some awful, and I will probably continue to do that same thing for all of my days.

1HW and I also try to be loving and giving, not just to each other, but also to our families, friends, church, and community. Sometimes it is more evident than others, because both of us believe in that "pay ahead" philosophy, and often others have no idea of the extent of our giving. That is as it should be. We hope it is helpful to others and pleasing in God's sight. It is a remarkably wonderful feeling to give your gifts, time, and talents to others in many varied and different ways. In some ways, it does show the love we share for many people, and we try to show that love in our actions, as well as our gifts.

It has also occurred to us, however, that we can truly love someone and also say "No." This has really become evident to us lately. We realize that we can disagree with those we love while still loving and praying for them, even if we disagree with what they are doing. This has turned into quite a conflict within our family, as one child and her family are in the final stages to become missionaries.

That sounds wonderful, doesn't it, having a child who finds it a calling to serve the Lord in the mission fields. I would have thought so also, if it were just the two of them pursuing this dream. However, there are also five children involved from ages 11-16, and the family's goal is serving in Mexico as part of a border ministry. Since we have been living in Texas off and on since 2000, we have become quite aware of what it is like to for non-Mexicans (as well as Mexicans) to live in Mexico along the border. We read stories in the papers about it every day, about the fears, the drugs, the war-lords, the gangs, the violence, and the killings, all across the border from Juarez to Laredo. With that in mind, we cannot possibly support the idea of taking five children into that territory. We know the arguments about God protecting them, and we are quite sure some of the priests who have been killed reassured their families in the same way. There are many innocent victims whose families would have liked to believe that, too. However, the reality is, the fear is there. We also have concerns about their living in New York City's inner city for a period of training, as we have visited schools and communities there, complete with armed guards. And the idea of their obtaining language training for six months in Cuernavaca, home to some of the gang lords, is also causing us concern. For that reason we say, "No, we cannot support your ideas about doing this." It has been difficult to take this stand. However, it is because of our love that we do so. Does it mean we love them less? Quite the contrary. Can we convince them of that? No. So are we the unfeeling, the unsupportive bad guys? It makes us feel sad and hurt to be thought of in those terms, but it will not cause us to change our minds.

Are we wrong? Maybe. But could we live with ourselves for backing these plans if something happened to one of them? No. So we will maintain our opinions and beliefs. We would love to be able to have a different view, but after much thought and prayer, we feel that God is also on our side as well and understands our position as well as theirs.

Last Sunday our pastor John gave a wonderful sermon on I Corinthians 13: 1-13, in which he spoke about how somethings seen or done in today's world are not clear, but seen through a mirror dimly. We guess our stance is being seen through a mirror dimly. We only hope that at some point, then, later, our views can be seen and appreciated fully. "The greatest of these is love," and we do love with all of our hearts!

Dilemas

In our previous lives as teachers/principals, everything was more cut and dried as to procedures and what was acceptable, as opposed as to what was not acceptable at school. We constantly dealt with parents whose children could do no wrong, especially the ones who were their parents' babies, their majitos or mijitas. That is the Spanish or Mexican slang for their special babies, for whom there is no blame. That was a constant problem to deal with in the Albuquerque schools, and apparently, it is now a problem nation-wide, not only with the Hispanic culture.

While working at this RV resort, we have observed that many parents seem quite content to simply "drop off" their kids the minute they enter the park. Their kids, after all, are perfect and do not need any supervision. Should anything happen? Well, it certainly wouldn't have anything to do with THEIR kids, because THEIR kids are reliable and perfect! Sure! As if anyone who has taught in the public schools believes THAT nonsense. Tonight was a perfect (imperfect?) example

We two were simply enjoying the camaraderie and music when a park resident came up with a little freckled face boy on a bicycle. She explained that he had been riding his bike in the open air pavilion where the kids were playing basketball, and she was afraid the other kids would be hurt. She asked him to stop, but he pretended not to hear her... Later he said the music was "too loud." So she must have grabbed him by the arm and told him to stop, whereupon she brought him over to where we were standing, trying to enjoy the evening, and explained what had happened. We tried to smooth over the incident, explaining to the boy that the woman was worried about others getting hurt, and that he just should not ride there any more. We thought that ended the matter. Not. Then in a bit the father appeared, totally upset and indignant that someone had "manhandled" his child, that he had been a molested child,and that no one would EVER touch his child. He wanted to call the police and pursue an arrest for the person who had done this.... an 80 year old woman who had just lost her husband the previous week, and who had previously been a school bus driver and had seen kids in action. We tried to explain that she was just concerned about the safety of the other kids, but no, this guy wanted to call the police and press charges. At that point I contacted Don, who thoroughly chewed me out for interfering in an issue where there could be criminal charges filed. EXCUSE ME? Are the charges to be filed against the parents who were not watching their kid? The only "witnesses" were the other "friends" who were playing at the same place. Would that be called reliable? What on earth is happening in this society of today that parents cannot be called upon to be responsible for their children's actions, or even worse, deny their children's actions and activities? And, even more importantly, is the lady who took the trouble to care about the welfare of the other children to be charged with a crime for taking that boy's arm? Something is dreadfully wrong with our society when we allow such reprehensible actions against her be accepted, and when parents cannot accept the consequences of their own lack of responsibility for their children's behavior. I am especially upset over this tonight, and I am trying to figure out a way to deal with this in my mind. I hoped writing about it would help. Do any of you have any ideas?

More Thoughts

The last few months have brought new changes in our lives, even though the two of us always seem to be changing directions... Just ask our children, who never know what to expect next. That is good, in both senses. At our ages, we feel that people should keep exploring new ideas and thoughts, as well as new paths.

We have updated our laptop with an even more expanded wireless system, and we now have two different cell phone numbers. Who would have thought these old guys would keep up with the new technology? Actually, we tried the new mini-laptops, but we are not convinced that we need one of those yet, because we cannot download Solitaire on them, so why bother?

We have celebrated my mother's life on the 30th remembrance of her death, and I still miss her and wish I had said things to her that I did not. I hope she has felt those thoughts and that love frequently, which is why we try to communicate with our children, because we sense the many things that have gone unsaid before she (they) died. That still remains as a challenge, but we still hope that we can instill that sense of love that we have to ALL of our collective children and grandchildren.

Now, that is another subject altogether... the grandchildren. We remember when all of the grandchildren used to be so excited to see us. In many cases, that may be pushing it now. We are going through the second wave existence of grandchildren. That is, grandchildren who either pretend we are nonexistent, pretend they do not know us, or most certainly can find something better to do than to spend time with us. It is SO wonderful when they finally get beyond that stage and begin to accept us again, whether as adults or as loving grandparents. We absolutely dislike being treated as nonentities. I mean, we do enough mindless or ridiculous things that they SHOULD, after all, regard us as SOMETHING, even though it may be crazy. So, for those grandkids who have accepted us, regardless of our eccentricities, we applaud and thank you! You earn a special place in our hearts! For the rest of you, we look forward to the day when you will appreciate us for having survived your parents and all of your baby and childhood days! Some of those were exasperating for us, but we still love you (and them), so we hope you will love us in return (even though you are probably not reading this message). We may even still keep visiting you, and you may even still visit us, where ever we may be! I just know that I STILL miss my grandmother (my dad's mother), even after all of these years (1959). I hope at least ONE of the grands will miss each of us, too, because we love them all so dearly! Again, it's like my mother and grandmother... I wish I had said so many things and have hoped she (they) could hear my thoughts over the years since.

Next, we have survived this "work-kamping" experience thus far. It has been a challenge, speaking personally, to learn the details. My brain has not functioned as fully in many a year, so that is great. I expect to be fired any day for forgetting something I should have done or not having done something I should have done. Such is life, and we figure if one of us really screws up and both of us get fired, that is OK, too. We have been having fun and, at the same time, we have been keeping mentally and physically active, as well as making so many new friends.

And, then, we have made many new friends along the way, including the new Central Texas Crossfire group, as well as the dear friends in our various activities at the First Presbyterian Church here, which also provides us with such spiritual blessings. What fun we have with all of these different groups! Most certainly, our lives are not dull or boring. We wish that all of our friends could have such fulfilling experiences and so much fun.

And so, as 1 HW so often closes with, "Happy Travels!"

More Diverse Thoughts

Here it is May 10, already Mother's Day. I know that Mother's Day was created by Franklin "Deficit" Roosevelt, who was indeed a "mama's boy," and it is, therefore, a made-up holiday, but I still enjoy it, nevertheless. It is not that I need, want, or expect gifts; it is just that I so enjoy the memory of my grandmothers and mother, enjoy the company of my present "Mom," HW1's own mother, and I enjoy being a mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, and great-grandmother to an ever-enlarging brood. (I don't mention "step-mother" because I love the boys as much as if they were my own sons, so they are counted under the mothering category, as are the "in-law" sons and daughters. So far, we don't have any outlaws.). It seems that I and we are ever so very blessed to have such a wonderful expanded and collective family. So today I celebrate all of the women in my past and present family! I love you all! And, thank you to the men for their participation, too, or we would not have mothers! Happy Mother's Day, Mom, Kristy, Kimberly, Marlene, Traci, and Ashley!

It has also occurred to me, that even though we have been working on Sundays for the past six weeks and have not been able to attend church except at Easter, we still feel quite blessed. That good Holy Spirit keeps watching over us, in spite of our being here instead of at church! We have met many new people and have been able to provide companionship and friendship to some who may have been in need. That most surely has benefited us, as well. We have heard stories, offered consolation and cheer as we could, and we have laughed generously, heartily, and often. We have still been able to visit with church friends at other activities, and they have encouraged us, as well. We continually give thanks for each other and for our friends and family. We have been able, for the most part, to keep in touch with our immediate family members, and we cherish them. What more could we ask for than all of that? We are truly blessed, and we are most thankful.

And, so now we look forward to the rest of the summer! We look forward to celebrating anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, vacations, and visits! And, then, of course, there is always the arrival of Father's Day! I enjoy that one, too! Many smiles and thank-you's to all of you who brighten our lives so generously! We love you!

Diverse Thoughts at Random

Several things have occurred to me lately. One is the idea that 1HW keeps saying, "You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your relatives."

My sister and I were not close as we were growing up, since she was six years younger than I and resented everything I did. I always was blamed for our shared room constantly being in a mess, which came to true light after I had left, when our parents discovered the real culprit. Later, when I was pregnant with # 1 daughter, she came to visit us in D.C., and after that we were friends. We have shared so much over the years, and she is a treasured friend now. So it hurts me when our siblings, two brothers, say things which hurt her. They seem to have arrived from another family and planet sometimes, and I keep trying to remember how we are related. Of course, as I recall, over the years they have also said things which have hurt me, but I keep remembering how they have always been and given awful comments to me, as well, whenever possible over the years. I wish I could have my sister understand the idea of "giving away" those thoughts, as well. It certainly helps. In the meantime, 1HW and I try to help her with whatever words we can over the long distance. We do love her!

And as I write, my thoughts are in Wilmington, NC, where granddaughter Ashley and her husband Tom are in the midst of delivering our first great grandchild. Finally after a week of induced labor, there seem to be results. This seems to be an awfully long time to have been in labor, induced or otherwise, and we can only continue to send thoughts, love, and prayers to both Ashley and Tom.

Now, as for work-kamping, it was a most hectic day, but it was also a day in which I was truly challenged about learning this new job at this "tender" age. Amazingly, I survived in great fashion, even if I do say so, and even better, the books balanced exactly at the end of a $6500 day, even with four of us working off and on. The park is almost at total capacity, with the finishing number of arrivals expected tomorrow, completing the Texas Woodcarvers' Society site. The two of us have truly enjoyed the mental and physical challenges, feeling that it is great for both of us! And, I must say, the friends and companionship are an added plus, even if we do not care for some of the live band music at the River Rock Saloon! How blessed we are to have this opportunity to have this growth experience at this stage of our lives!

We are so thankful for the friendships here and for our families scattered around the country. We are so very blessed! We wish all of you the same blessings and love!

A New Family Addition

Sometimes it takes a new experience to cause me to blog, and now is one of those times. Our granddaughter Ashley is expecting her first child imminently, and, as usual, I want to know what is happening. I really do not think that very many others in the family really understand why I am concerned, because very often they do not know WHY I am thinking the way I am. So this is my way of letting them know my feelings so perhaps they can better understand me, and my way of expressing my thoughts and concerns for me to release anxieties.

When I was pregnant with our first child, I was scared to death. I remember flying from Washington, D.C., to Albuquerque, only to see a doctor there who told me that I needed to leave for Oklahoma immediately, as that child was DUE! It did not make my then-husband at all happy to cancel his vacation time, but it had to be done. After arriving in Oklahoma City, the immediate need was to find a house (Day One), rent it, and begin to move in and sleep on the floor (by Day Three). On Day Four, I visited a doctor on the Air Force base, who informed me the delivery was imminent. By Day Five, the movers arrived and began unloading. One mover said, "You don't expect us to unpack this, do you?" I replied, "Do you know how to deliver a baby?" They unpacked very quickly. On Saturday, Day Five, some contractions began, and I began to be very nervous. There I was, in a completely new place in a new house, extremely tired, knowing no one, and about to have a first baby, not having a clue what to expect. With contractions still slowly occurring the next morning, I felt a great need to go to church, even though my then-husband thought I was nuts. My OB-GYN had by then called and asked me to report to the hospital by 1:00 pm that day. After church and after arriving home at 12:15, my then-husband needed to stay in the car for another half-hour to listen to a Bill Cosby routine on the radio while I went inside, said many more prayers, and made him his requested lunch. I was alone, scared to death, trying to be brave by myself. Later, daughter Kristy arrived, and I was delighted to find a beautiful baby girl, who must have sensed my nervousness and immediately experienced what seemed to be unending bouts of colic and projectile vomiting. It wasn't until the many visits of family members finally ceased, and the two of us could settle down to a normal routine, when the colic ceased, although the projections continued for months! I still think that much of that is caused by a mother's nervousness and stress! You can tell that I remember this quite vividly, even though it is nearly forty-one years later. So I think about Ashley now.

When it was getting near for second daughter Kimberly to arrive, I had much more confidence, in fact, too much confidence. I expected everything to go smoothly. I was not prepared to go into labor six weeks early while I was Christmas shopping at Penney's. The first item was to arrange for friends to take Kristy, and then I needed to report to the same hospital with the same doctor. But this time it was different: Kimberly was not fully developed, and our pediatrician had told me it was too early for her to be born. I was, once again, totally scared, and I prayed as I had never prayed before. She arrived and was whisked off to complete neonatal care under oxygen and constant intensive care, suffering from underdeveloped systems and hyaline membrane disease, which had all-too recently then caused the death of the Kennedy baby. They covered her eyes with make-shift sunglasses of band aids, with carefully-drawn sunglasses drawn on top, so that they could put her under fluorescent lights, a brand new technique to improve the liver functioning. She was the first to use that technique there. For a week it was nip and tuck, so that on the morning of December 24th, they thought she would need a total transfusion, which would be risky on her, as her weight had dropped. My husband insisted on having her baptized so "she would not go to hell." My Presbyterian beliefs resisted, saying that there was no way a baby could go to hell, but she was then baptized according to his wishes. (I still feel that way today, too, by the way!) What amazed me, thinking back, was from where my support came. It didn't come from the husband, who was convinced she would die, or from his parents who thought the same. It came from the Jewish OB who delivered her; from the pediatrician who nursed her day and night; from a Jewish ENT doctor, who came in once a day to talk and support me with Old Testament wisdom; and from my readings of the Bible and prayer. That is when I experienced a total change in my life and my beliefs, a change that was only enhanced by feelings when my mother died. I came to realize that my faith can support and sustain me when others fail me. That same faith and prayer was realized when on Christmas Eve, as wonderful Air Force hospital orderlies were ready to donate blood for her transfusion, Kimberly took a sudden turn and began to improve! A week later, on New Year's Eve, she was released to go home, at a little over five and a half pounds! She has always been my best Christmas present ever!

So, if any of you have wondered why I have called, checked on you, and worried over you when you were having your own sweet little dears, these stories might help explain why. I no longer just automatically expect every delivery and arrival to be easy and without complications. With each of the other twelve grand children's births (since Ashley's was before we knew her), I have never taken those events for granted. Each one has been an individual, special, blessed event to be praised and cherished. I am truly thankful for each one of you and for each one of yours. And I will be most thankful when Ashley has finally delivered her own little sweetie, too, but I will hover until that time, just because I am Grammy. Grammy does that, you know. And, Grammy will continue to do that with each new GREAT grand child as long as she lives, because each new one is precious! I just love all of you! Fortunately, I now also have Grandad (Gramps/1HW) who is right beside me, supporting me and loving all of you, too! So I am so very blessed!

I must say that I delight in so many things, especially my dear sweetie and our family. Sometimes, however, I get the distinct feeling that we operate in our own little world. Although several of the kids have generously offered for us to stay in their areas, the truth of the matter is that they are fully occupied with their own domains. Granted, they would be kind and solicitous and help us in our needs, such as they are, but in reality, they have their own lives, their own occupations, and their own interests, all of which are different and separate from ours. It caused me to think last week about our lives and our futures. At our ages, one must actually proceed to deal with that issue realistically. So, we talked about what we "would do," a topic which does not appeal to either of us. Actually, I cannot even bear to think of a life without 1HW. He is my helpmate, my joy, my life. But, in grim reality, we both need to consider that. The answer is, we do not know. Maybe the answer would be just to stay here. It is really hard to ascertain at the moment. We do have friends here, and we love Kerrville. But we always miss being with family, even though their lives are really filled to the max. So, the answer remains unsolved for now. We continue to hope that it is a question we do not need to deal with in the immediate future. But after watching and dealing with Mom in her mid-nineties, with no one knowing how to deal with her, we certainly do not want that same situation to occur with us! It is a challenge and a dilemma!
Growing old, as Mom says, is indeed not for sissies!